Relationship Training For Professionals Working With Families
Parents and Carers Support
Practical tools to support your practice: factsheets on our programmes, e-learning access, and guidance videos, all grounded in evidence and everyday experience.
​Arguing with your partner
Every couple argues from time to time. It’s completely normal. Having different opinions, becoming frustrated or disagreeing with each other is part of family life. It's not whether couples argue that matters most, but how they argue and how those disagreements are resolved.
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Children are often far more aware of conflict than adults fully realise. They can pick up on raised voices, tension, silence or coldness between parents and carers, even if they don't fully understand what is happening or why. It’s not just what you say that matters, children are sponges for the atmosphere you create. Frequent, intense or unresolved arguments can leave children feeling worried, confused or responsible for trying to make things better.
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The good news is that even small changes in how you communicate can help create a calmer home environment, and as a bonus, you will teach your children conflict resolution skills they can use too.
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What you can do from today
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If emotions are running high, take a break and come back to the conversation when you're both calmer. Reassure your partner that you do want to discuss the issue but when you are both calm enough to listen to each other.
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Try to listen to understand each other's point of view, even if you don’t like what is being said.
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Try to find a way to acknowledge how each other is feeling rather than just focusing on trying to win the argument. No one wins if you do that!
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Avoid shouting, name-calling or bringing up past issues that you’ve claimed to be over!
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It’s ok for your child to hear you arguing sometimes, it’s a normal part of human relationships, it’s good for them to see you work things out between you. What isn’t good is them witnessing a big bust up that makes them feel insecure and unsure what is happening. Children don’t understand adult problems and can often assume they are the cause of the fall out.
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If children have witnessed an argument, take responsibility for the experience they have had. Explain that things have been sorted out, tell them that you have made up and show them how you have don’t that via – calm, respectful conversations, apologies and acts of kindness.
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If arguments are becoming frequent or you're finding it really difficult to communicate, don't be afraid to seek support from your local Family Hub or other local services.
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Helpful websites
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Separated Parenting Challenges
Separation can be one of the biggest changes a family experiences. Separation itself doesn't necessarily harm children, because the evidence tells us that they can and do adjust. But what we do know is that ongoing conflict, arguments and bickering between parents can make it much harder for children to feel safe, secure and settled.
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It can feel very hard to manage the strong feelings and emotions that come along when a relationship ends and of course, the aftermath when you are trying to figure it all out. It is normal to feel angry and upset - especially if it feels a bit raw and everything feels a bit up in the air.
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The good news is that small changes in the way parents communicate and work together can make a real difference to children's wellbeing.
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What you can do from today
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Keep your child out of the adult disagreements around them.
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Avoid asking children to carry messages between parents.
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Focus conversations on your child's needs rather than past relationship issues and the reasons behind the breakup.
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If communication is really difficult, consider using email or a parenting communication app. Read what you have written aloud to yourself before sending it, this can help you gauge a bit better how it’s going to sound/land with the other person. Remember just text on it’s own is open to interpretation on the tone with which is has been written/received.
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Remember that children need to feel they have permission to spend time with and love both parents and other family members (where it is safe to do so). You may not still love the other parent but they may do and you need to respect that.
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Talk to someone about how you are feeling.
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Helpful websites
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Child to Parent Aggression and Abuse (CAPAA)
If your child is regularly shouting, threatening, damaging property or becoming physically aggressive towards you, you're not alone but it probably feels like it. This is an increasingly common issue that families face. Many parents feel worried or frightened to talk about it, but support is available.
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This kind of family dynamic is really upsetting and unsettling for everyone. It is quite common to feel a bit lost; you might have tried to get help before and not found it helpful. Maybe you have been along to a parenting programme and not found the strategies worked for you. This is very common as it is usually more helpful when your child also gets some support, as well as you, to understand why they are not managing their behaviour and emotions.
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The earlier families seek help, the easier it can be to understand what's happening, why, and begin making positive changes.
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What you can do from today
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Prioritise everyone's safety.
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Try to stay calm and avoid escalating arguments where possible.
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Keep a daily diary of patterns, triggers and when things seem better.
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Speak to someone you trust rather than managing it alone. Don’t let the sense of shame that often comes with this kind of situation overwhelm you and stop you from reaching out.
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Contact your local authority if you feel you need family support. It can feel daunting asking for help but your local children’s services are there to put the right support in place to help re-balance family life.
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Helpful websites
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We are drifting apart
All relationships go through times when life feels busy, stressful or overwhelming. Work, parenting, money worries and the pressures of everyday life can leave little time or energy to connect with each other. You may find that conversations become shorter, affection becomes less frequent, or it feels like you’re housemates rather than romantic partners.
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Drifting apart doesn't necessarily mean your relationship is over, it may just mean you’ve not had the emotional energy spare to put into looking after the warmth between you. For many couples, recognising what's happening is the first step towards making positive changes. Small moments of connection can help rebuild closeness over time.
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What you can do from today
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Make an effort to consciously connect with each other every day, even if that is via sending funny videos to each other randomly in the day. This is called ‘pebbling’ and it gives yourself and your partner a little spark of oxytocin. This is your ‘bonding hormone’ and a little shot of it is super good for your connection with each other.
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Show appreciation by noticing and thanking each other for the little things. This builds respect and compassion, essential for a healthy relationship.
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Try to spend some time together doing something you both enjoy, even if it's only a short walk, watching a bit of TV or just a cup of tea.
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Be curious about how your partner is feeling rather than assuming you already know.
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Remember that relationships need care and attention, just like every other important part of family life.
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If you're finding it difficult to reconnect, consider seeking support before problems begin to grow. There is lots of help and advice available and you might think that feels a bit awkward but for many people this turns out to be really positive for the relationship.
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Make sure you are loving your partner in the way that they want to be loved, not just the way you want to love them or think they feel loved by you.
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Helpful websites
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I'm not sure if my relationship is abusive
Sometimes it can be hard to know whether what you're experiencing with your partner or ex-partner is part of a normal argument, disagreement, or something more concerning. You may feel confused by their behaviour, find yourself questioning your own judgement, or you may have been told by them that "this is normal". Something just doesn't feel right.
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Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust and feeling safe. While all couples can disagree, you should never feel frightened of your partner or feel that they are controlling your life, isolating you from others or making you feel worthless.
Domestic abuse can include emotional, psychological, sexual, physical, financial or controlling behaviour. Abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of your age, gender or background.
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If something genuinely doesn't feel right, talking to someone you trust as soon as you can is a positive move. Don't wait until things become worse before asking for advice or support.
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What you can do from today
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Trust your instincts; if something doesn't feel right, don’t ignore those feelings.
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Think about whether you feel safe, respected and able to make your own choices and decisions without there being a consequence.
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Talk to someone you trust about what you're experiencing.
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If it's safe to do so, keep a record of incidents that concern you.
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If you are frightened or believe you or your children are at immediate risk, call 999. If you cannot speak, use the Silent Solution by pressing 55 when prompted.
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Remember that support is available, and you don't have to face this alone.
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Helpful websites
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Becoming a new Dad
Becoming a dad is one of life's biggest transitions. Alongside the excitement of welcoming a new baby, it's completely normal to experience a whole range of emotions, including happiness, pride, uncertainty, exhaustion, and even feeling a little lost at times. Not every parent is hit with a thunderbolt of love the moment their baby arrives into the world.
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As your baby grows, your relationship with your partner may change too. Sleep deprivation, new responsibilities and finding your place as a parent can put pressure on even the strongest relationships. Remember, you're both adjusting to a huge life change.
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The good news is that babies don't need perfect parents. They benefit from loving, responsive adults who are learning to be parents together, spending time with them and building strong, secure relationships from the very beginning. Try to learn to trust your instincts, you will be given a lot of advice which you may or may not find helpful. What will help you build your confidence as a parent is recognising that you can be the expert in your baby if you put in the time and attention they need from you.
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What you can do from today
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Spend time with your baby - talking, singing, cuddling, playing, feeding, bathing or reading.
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Remember that your relationship with your baby will grow over time. Spending time with your baby will help build your bond.
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Check in with your partner and make time to ask how you're both coping.
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Accept help from family and friends when it's offered.
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Look after your own wellbeing by getting rest where you can, eating well and talking to someone if you're finding things difficult.
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Don't compare yourself to other parents. Every family finds its own way.
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Try to remember that one of the biggest threats to your relationship with your baby is your phone. It steals you away from learning all the little cues your baby is sending out to you that help you to know what that little cry means or that they prefer being held a certain way. Don’t make your baby compete with a screen.
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Helpful websites
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I'm finding my relationship with my child's school difficult
Parents and carers want the best for their child, and so do schools. Sometimes, however, communication can become difficult. You may feel that you're not being listened to, that your concerns aren't understood, or that conversations have become tense, repetitive or frustrating.
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It's important to remember that everyone is usually working towards the same goal, helping your child to feel safe, happy and able to learn – even if it feels like you are not always on the same side. When you do disagree with school, finding ways to work together can make a real difference for your child.
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Building a positive relationship with school doesn't mean agreeing on absolutely everything. It means being able to have calm, respectful conversations, share concerns and keep your child's needs at the centre of decisions.
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What you can do from today
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Arrange a time to talk rather than raising concerns at the school gate in front of your child.
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Be clear about what you're worried about and what you hope will happen next.
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Listen to the school's perspective as well as sharing your own. These perspectives might be very different.
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Focus conversations on your child's needs rather than who is right or wrong.
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If emotions are running high, take some time before responding to emails or messages.
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Keep a record of important conversations and agreed actions so everyone has the same understanding.
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Try to recognise if your own experience of school when you were a child is influencing the situation you are in now. It’s easy for this to happen but usually unhelpful and not necessarily relevant.
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Helpful websites
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We have problems at home. How can I support my child with their school life?
Family life isn't always easy. Relationship difficulties, separation, financial pressures, illness, bereavement, caring or other challenges can make everyday life feel overwhelming. During these times, it's understandable that school routines or learning may become more difficult for children.
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Children don't leave their home life at the school gate. Worries at home can affect their concentration, behaviour, friendships, attendance and emotional wellbeing. The good news is that there are simple things you can do to help your child feel supported, even when life feels uncertain.
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You don't have to have all the answers. Feeling loved, listened to and supported by the important adults around them can make a real difference to how children cope with difficult times. If a child knows they can rely on their parent/carer to be interested in their needs and that and that they will try to meet them creates a secure base for them and that makes navigating the day far easier.
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What you can do from today
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Let your child's school know if there are significant changes or challenges at home. They may be able to offer additional support.
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Keep routines as consistent as you can, even if it's something simple like reading together or having a regular bedtime.
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Make time to check in with your child and ask how they're feeling about school. You can make this easier for them if they don’t find talking about their feelings that easy by having a bit of a rating system! Was school hot or cold today? Hot being good and cold being not so great. Sometimes kids are tired and don’t want to ‘get into it’ when they get home but a simple hot or cold tells you what you need to know.
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Reassure your child that the difficulties at home are not their fault and that the adults are working to make things better.
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Celebrate effort as well as achievement, especially if your child is finding school more difficult than usual.
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If you're struggling, ask for help. Looking after yourself is an important part of supporting your child.
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Helpful websites
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