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  • Writer's pictureKate

My way, or the highway?

You asked us:

We're quite different as individuals and I'm finding it hard to adapt.

Here’s what Amity has to say:

A mash up of cultures, traditions, beliefs, all that malarky, within a relationship/family unit can be as awkward as Prince Harry turning up to family Christmas lunch. We are often wedded to our way of doing things. What is normal for us, we expect to be accepted by others. It makes us feel safe and secure and it is familiar. So to be asked to adopt someone else’s norms can be a biggy.

What might make it worse:

Not trying to understand or value the other person's beliefs, traditions etc. makes it worse, like, much worse. Ranking your own cultural norms as more important than theirs is another no-no. Things will be tricky if you don’t stop to think about their perspective, feelings and needs. If you don’t try to blend you are in danger of creating sides rather than a new, joint way in how the family you have created together does things.

What might make it better:

Being open to learning, understanding and showing respect for things that you may not care that much about yourself, but you know is important to your partner is the key. Showing willingness to learn about things that are unfamiliar to you is an act of respect that will be greatly appreciated by your partner. It’s what we do when love someone, right. Simple things like reading up about a certain thing or following someone on Instagram that educates you - showing them you're learning and creating a more warm bond between you.

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